This is a guest post by Vivian Garcia, a senior Business Administration student at Oral Roberts University. Born and raised in Honduras, she now finds herself in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
I grew up in church with a fantastic, Godly family, but my heart was always determined that I was unloved by God. When I was 18, this reality finally crashed in on me. I was in a relationship with a guy that was falling apart because my whole identity was based on it. My life was turned upside down when I had to pack my entire life in two suitcases and leave the only home I had ever known. God burned all the pillars that upheld my house over a broken foundation, and asked me to let Him rebuild me from the ground up.
Soon after this move, He found me on the floor of my university’s prayer tower, and He said, “I want all of you, not just your scraps.” For so long, I was living in religious routine instead of surrendered devotion or passion, and God loved me (and loves me) too much to let me stay that way.
That day, 2 weeks before my birthday, He called me to give Him 4 years of my life (my whole college experience) in consecration to Him. I didn’t know what that meant, honestly. It sounded easy since I was already so broken, but it has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
For the first time, I have had to look at myself and deal with my fears, disappointments, and wounds instead of just sticking a sparkling sticker over them to cover it up. More importantly, it has also been the best 2 years I’ve had so far. I feel free, valuable, and close to God for the first time. Consecration, I thought, meant just not dating, having a longer devotional (or actually having one), and being “good,” but His definition of it was, “Come to Me before you come to anything else. Let Me teach you who I am, and who you are in Me. Let Me be your first and only love.”
I have this theory that we can either love God half-heartedly and give Him most or some of ourselves, as long as it benefits us or fits in our plan, or we can be determined to give EVERYTHING we are, because we understand that is the only way we can truly find life and position ourselves to find God’s EVERYTHING. For most of my Christian life, I gave some of myself, but when I was 18, I heard the call to try something different: Find God’s everything and stop holding on to my miserable, broken cisterns. In the end, you get what you put into it: God is ready to change our lives, but sometimes we aren't ready to let go of our brokenness or complacency to let Him.
Today, I am 2 years into my journey, and to be honest, I didn’t expect to be where I am. God took my scraps and has slowly, tenderly, and beautifully given me something better every single day. My walk hasn't been blameless. I have failed so many times at putting Him first, listening to his voice, and yielding to His will instead of mine, but the most powerful part of this adventure has been how He has found me in the darkest places and the most obvious moments of defeat to remind me this is about His grace and unrelenting love for me, not my performance or perfection. When I deemed myself a lost cause, determined I didn’t deserve His love, He smiled and called my name so I could sit with Him while He cleaned up my mess and gave me a bath. I am His daughter. I am loved, and I have the opportunity to have an intimate, REAL, daily relationship with Him, full of healing, lessons, breakthrough, growth, and surprises.
As I look forward, I see myself probably failing many more times and not understanding a lot of His ways, but I also see myself in His arms, climbing up the mountain. I have hope and know that over that mountain I will find many surprises and promises fulfilled, like confidence, identity, trust, authority and a wonderful husband and powerful ministry, but for the first time in my life, I am more interested in the conversation I get to have with my Father and best friend as we climb together instead of the blessings I get when “I’m done.” I can honestly say that He is worthy and has been worth every single second and “yes” I’ve given Him so far. He is my greatest adventure.
Guest Post by Vivian Garcia. "Vivian" means "full of life" and her passion is to find the "fullness" within the mundane. When she is not trying to graduate from college, she finds herself discovering Jesus and herself through songwriting and a lot of overthinking! Connect with her on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or Snapchat: (viviangarciaa).